Transcripts/Dungeons
:Discord: Tea? :Fluttershy: gasps :Discord: Trendy coats? Bedrolls? Saddlebags? Oh! A surprise vacation just for the two of us? How thoughtful. I hear Puerto Caballo is lovely this time of year. Sand like powdered sugar. blows :sprinkling :Fluttershy: Um, Princess Celestia's taking us on an overnight goodwill tour of Yakyakistan. I just found out. :Discord:' 'gasps So what you're saying is no tea? Ugh. Well. throat That's fine. I wasn't thirsty anyway. :Fluttershy: If you're looking for something to do, you could spend the evening with Spike and Big Mac. :Discord: laughs :beat :Discord: You aren't kidding. :Fluttershy: They're very nice. They have a "top secret" thing they do whenever we leave Ponyville. Although everypony knows about it, so it's not a very good secret. I think you'd have fun with them. :Discord: Fun? With sidekicks? Oh, you must think that we're in a dimension where everything is opposite. snap "Da-dee-la! I'm Opposite Discord, and I want to hang out with Spike and Big Mac! I'm sure I'd have fun!" :Opposite Fluttershy: Well, guess what, Sassafras?! I'm Opposite Fluttershy, and I'm sick of being nice and quiet all the time! :Discord: snap Let me explain it to you as simply as I can. Me? Amazing! Them? Well, I've already forgotten who we're talking about. You see? :Fluttershy: All I'm saying is it's an opportunity to expand your circle of friends. coddling Unless you're afraid they won't like you? :Discord: Oh, please. Don't stoop to tedious reverse psychology. You're better than that. :Fluttershy: It never hurts to make new friends. :Discord: scoffs Consider it considered. :poof :Fluttershy: humming gasps :Discord: Couldn't I just come with you instead? : :Discord: I suppose this is goodbye then. Have an absolutely fabulous voyage. snap :zap :Fluttershy: Discord... :Discord: gasps Well, it's not my fault the new train route leads into an active volcano. Guess you'll have to stay. :beat :Discord: Oh, you're no fun. snap :zap :Applejack: I got my bedroll, parka, unattractive but functional hikin' boots... Uh, anything I forgot, Pinkie Pie? You're our resident Yakyakistan expert. :Pinkie Pie: Nope! I brought yeti food! :beat :Pinkie Pie: Did I forget to mention there's a pony-eating yeti on Frost Field Glacier? We're gonna have so much fun! :Rainbow Dash: Heh. If he messes with us, I'll turn that yeti into confetti! :whistle blows :chugging :Applejack: Heh. Somepony's in an awful quick hurry to get us out of here. Don't y'all have too much fun without us. :Twilight Sparkle: I bet you boys have big plans. Right, Spike? :Spike: I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. Although if I did, I certainly wouldn't be allowed to discuss it with you girls. :Twilight Sparkle: Buh-bye! :whistle blows :Applejack: Bye, y'all! :chugging :whistle :beat :Big McIntosh: whispering :Spike: whispering Uh, I dunno what to say. I mean, I hope he comes but I kinda don't want him to think of it... :Big McIntosh: hushed Yup. :zap :Discord: Fascinating article, yes? laugh to himself Don't let them come over, please don't let them come over, please don't let them come over, please, please, please— normal Oh, salutations, my friend! Wish I could stay and chat, but I don't want to. :Spike: Wait! Um, we were wondering... What are you up to tonight? :Discord: himself Oh, here we go... :Spike: Do you wanna, I don't know, hang out? Is that, like, something you do? :Discord: Oh, Twilight's friend and Applejack's monosyllabic brother, if only I weren't super busy this evening. :Spike: Big McIntosh I guess guys' night will just be you and me. :Discord: A guys' night? You mean a rowdy evening of reckless revelry? Zoot suits, fedoras, swing dancing? :Spike: Eh, something like that. nervous You should totally come. Three of us would be way better than two... :Discord: That does sound fun, actually... :Spike: Too bad you're busy. :zap :Discord: Well, I suppose I could squeeze you in if I move a few very important ponies around. :click :Discord: accent June, honey, be a dear. Reschedule Luna and Cay-Cay. aside That's what I call Princess Celestia, what a hoot! accent In fact, clear the whole evening. Tonight is guys' night. These fellas invited me to spice things up and bring a little class to the whole affair. :zap :rumble :Discord: voice Tonight will be the best night of your lives, and not just because you get to bask in my greatness. :Spike: I do like basking in things. See you tonight. hushed Twilight's castle. The fun starts promptly at sundown. :Discord: Technically, the fun starts when I arrive, but I'll make sure it's around sunset. Adieu, fellas. :zap :Spike: And... we have sundown. Repeat, we have sundown. I declare tonight's guys' night ceremonies officially open! :Big McIntosh: Eeyup! :Spike: It's guys' night. :Big McIntosh: Yup. :Spike: Oh, yeah. :Big McIntosh: Yup. :Spike: Havin' fun now. :Big McIntosh: Yup. :Spike: Oh, yeah! :Big McIntosh: Oh, yeah! :fanfare :Spike: What the hay? :skedaddling :Mini-Discord: high-pitched Announcing the much anticipated arrival of the spirit of chaos and disharmony, the purveyor of pandemonium, lord of lawlessness, earl of turmoil, bringer of bedlam... fanfare Discord! :music playing :exploding :zap :Discord: So, shall we hop to it? I made a list of the rowdiest establishments in Ponyville. It's rather short. :Spike: Actually, we're staying here. I hope you like awesome games! :Discord: Games? I love games. I'm great at games. :zap :Discord: Famous pony charades? Oh, this is an easy one. Who am I? Huh? Huh? :beat :Discord: Oh, come on! :Spike: Uh... I'm talkin' about a real game. :Discord: Oh, you mean like trapping best friend ponies in hedge mazes and turning them against each other. Those were the days. :mane yowls :zap :Spike: Not exactly. Wait here. :beat :Discord: Whatever it is, it can only get better by adding me to the mix. :Spike: off-screen Okay! :click :Spike: In a world where evil reigns supreme, a small band of warriors stands tall against the darkness. This is... Ogres & Oubliettes! :Discord: gasps :Discord: Oh, this looks like... :Spike: The best game ever? You're right! :Discord: Yes... :Spike: Ogres & Oubliettes is a fantasy role-playing adventure game. Our goal, defeat the evil Squid Wizard, or... laughter as we call him... the Squizard! :Big McIntosh: laughter :beat :Spike: chuckling throat The Squizard has laid siege to the last free city in Spiketopia. That's the name of the land. He's kidnapped a beautiful unicorn princess named Shmarity. beat Uh, which is like a normal name in Spiketopia, so, you know, don't think about it too much. :Discord: Fear not. Your romantic delusions are safe with me. :zip! :Spike: First things first – you've gotta create a character! Name? :Discord: How about... Discord? :Spike: sighs The whole point of the game is you get to use your imagination to be someone you're not. I'm Garbunkle, a famous magician. Everyone treats me with the utmost respect. :Discord: Just like in real life? :crack :Spike: And don't get jealous, but I'm a level 30 Enchanter with major skill points assigned to Intellect and Perception. :running :Discord: listening Go on, I'm listening. :Spike: Big Mac's character is Sir McBiggun, a level 27 Black Knight Unicorn from Castle Chadwick! :Discord: not listening I'm listening. :Spike: When his king aligned himself with the Squizard, Sir McBiggun would not besmirch his honor. :Big McIntosh: Nnope! :Discord: throat mumbling I'm listening. :Spike: And so it came to pass, the magician and black knight vowed to rid Spiketopia of the evil Squizard. :deflating :Spike: So, your character's name? :Discord: I already have the best name in the universe. Why would I change it for something like "Captain Wuzz"? :Spike: Captain Wuzz it is! :Discord: groans :Spike: What class are you, Captain Wuzz? There's Archers, Mages, Rogues... :Discord: snorts Can I suggest we take a break and, I don't know, go out and have some fun? Ponyville's not going to paint itself red. :Spike: You'll love it once we get started! die How 'bout an Archer? :Discord: Sounds just as miserable as the other options. So fine. :tok :Spike: Sir McBiggun, are you prepared to enter the world of Ogres & Oubliettes? :Big McIntosh: Eeyup. :Spike: Discord, or should I say, Captain Wuzz, are you— :Discord: Oh, get on with it. :Spike: dice We find ourselves trapped in the dungeon of the evil Squizard. The bars are locked tight. :beat :Spike: The bars exist in our imagination. :Discord: Really? You describe things, and then we pretend it's real? :Spike: It is real. In our imagination. It's your turn first. What do you wanna do? :Discord: Curse myself for attending this infernal evening? Ohhh, no, you mean in the game. :Spike: Well, you can do whatever you want. Then, I roll this twenty-sided die and see if you're successful. :clang :Discord: I stick my head through the bars and demand for the immediate release of the Lord of Chaos. :Spike: That's a big risk. You have to roll a seventeen or higher to succeed. die Ooh, bad idea. The guard gets mad. :Discord: This spell here. I transform him into a parsnip. :Spike: You need eleven Intelligent points to cast a Transform Into Root Vegetable spell. :Discord: I'm not intelligent? I cast it anyway because this game is stupid. :thud :Spike: die The spell backfires. So laughter your claws grow leaves and transform into parsnips! :Big McIntosh: chuckling Parsnips. laughs :Discord: growls :Spike: The guard laughs. He calls his friends over, and they laugh too. :Spike and Big McIntosh: laughing :Discord: Don't you laugh at me, Big Mac! Does it really say that? Let me see. :Big McIntosh: laughing :Spike: die laughs As you get angrier, everypony laughs harder! :Discord: I seal Sir McBiggun in a magic bubble until he stops laughing! :Spike: I told you, you can't do magic! :Spike and Big McIntosh: laughing :zap :Big McIntosh: Whoaa! Nope! Nope! Nope! :Discord: "Not intelligent enough." Please. :Spike: Cut it out, Discord! :Discord: Oh, this game is insufferable! Let me show you a real guys' night! :snap :jazz :Discord: laughing This is the life! Jazz, dancing, the best table magic can buy! This is what guys' night is all about. Am I right, fellas? :Big McIntosh: Eeyup! :Spike: I know you probably didn't do this on purpose, but this table's the perfect size and shape! :Discord: I don't think so. Let's have a drink. Chocolate milkshakes? :Spike: sighs No, we want to go back to Ogres &— :Discord: Oh, how 'bout a different game? zap Those are very bad cards. :Spike: Stop messing with us! We wanna— :zap :Discord: A dance contest? :jazz BGM :Discord: Surprise! We won! :Spike: Discord! :Discord: sinister Yes? :Spike: Look, we don't wanna do these things. We wanna play our game. If you don't want to play with us, you can, I don't know, sit and watch. :Discord: Sit and watch? Fine. We'll play your game. reverberating Are you ready to enter the world of Ogres & Oubliettes? :zap : : Sir McBiggun?! : : Eeyup! : : And I'm... Garbunkle? That means... Sweetness! We're in the game! Check it out! Ka-zam! :zaps :shings : : It's guys' night! : : Eeyup! : : Oh, yeah! : : Yup! : : In the game now! : : Yup! : : Oh, yeah! : : Oh, yeah! : : Discord, where are you? This is great! You made the game real! :Discord: reverberating laughs Aren't games fun? : : Should we be worried he's using his scary voice? :marching :Squizard: Behold! I am the Squizard! : and : gasps :Discord: reverberating chuckles You're welcome. :Squizard: Attack! :shouting : : Run! : and : panting :being fired :Discord: reverberating You find yourself on the battlefield. A barrage of arrows rains down on you. If you roll a fifteen or higher, the shield protects you. Fourteen or lower and, well... laughs You get the idea. :thud :zap :Discord: Seventeen! Lucky you! : : grunts :Discord: Boo. : and : panting :Discord: Boo. : and : screaming : : Discord! :zap :Discord: Sir McBiggun, I'd cover the entrance if I were you. :shing! : : This isn't funny! :Discord: Isn't this what every gamer wants? To live the game? Like this?! :zaps :thud : : Ugh! :shouting :thud : : groans This kinda hurts! Like, real pain! :zap :Discord: Oh, how kind of you to notice. It's the little details that really bring alternate dimensions to life, wouldn't you say? : : Discord, this is awful! :zap :Squizard: Of course it is! Spiketopia will be mine! And Rarity shall be my bride! :beat :Squizard: I mean, Shmarity. :zap : and Big McIntosh: gibbering :thud : : Why are you doing this? You're the worst! :Discord: If I'm the worst, then why did you invite me? : : Because we felt bad for you! :Discord: Because you... what?! :snap :zap :Spike: panting We're okay, we're okay! No thanks to you, Discord! :Discord: You felt sorry for me? :Spike: Who wouldn't? Fluttershy told us you practically begged her to stay! And then at the train station, you were just standing there, all alone! :Discord: This can't be. I'm supposed to feel sorry for you because I'm me and you're you. :Spike: sighs We only invited you to be nice! I mean, you're kind of a... weirdo! :Big McIntosh: Eeyup. :Discord: I ruined your night, and you don't even think I'm cool? Ugh. zap muffled How embarrassing. I should go. normal I have a lot of other friends I need to see tonight. :Spike: Good! :Discord: Yes, so many other friends. whimpers Farewell, Garbunkle the magician and brave Sir McBiggun. May providence smile upon thee in thy quest to rid Spiketopia of the dreaded Squizard... sighs When I say it that way, the game doesn't sound half bad. :zap :Discord: Oh, well. :zap :Spike: sighs It... it's better this way, right? :Big McIntosh: Eeyup. :Spike: Because... now he can't bother us, 'cause he's off somewhere by himself... all alone... with no friends. :Big McIntosh: Yup. :Spike: sighs throat unenthusiastic We find ourselves in the dungeon of the evil Squizard. The bars are locked, and... Ah, who am I kidding? We should give him another chance. throat Captain Wuzz? Can you hear me? :zap :Discord: Oh! You realized how amazing I am and that I make you cooler just by being around me? :beat :Discord: Uh... stammering No, no, actually, that's not what I meant to say... I'm... sssssss... :Spike: What? :Discord: I'm ssssssss— :Spike: Can't hear you. :Big McIntosh: Nope. :Discord: I'm trying to say I'm sorry, all right?! I'm sorry for ruining your game, and I'm sorry that I thought I was better than you! pants quickly Now let's play before this evening gets any sappier, shall we? :zap :Big McIntosh: whispering :Spike: Huh? Yeah, yeah! Okay! What if we forgot the board and the pieces for a minute? I mean, the whole game coming to life was completely terrifying, but also kind of the best thing ever! So, uh, Big Mac and I were wondering... What if you toned it down just a teensy bit? :cast chattering :open :Mane Six: Huh? :shouting : : I've got your back, Captain Wuzz! :zap : : Wha-hah! : : grunts : , and : panting :Squizard: laughter : : accented Garbunkle! Follow my lead! :zap :Squizard: squeaks :crunch : : Bull's-eye! : : Nice one! : and : It's guys' night! : : Eeyup! : and : Oh, yeah! : : Eeyup! : and : Having fun now! : : Eeyup! : and : Oh, yeah! : : Oh, yeah! :Twilight Sparkle: We should just close the door and let them finish... whatever this... is. :Rainbow Dash: No way! Did you see Big Mac's sword? I totally want in! :Pinkie Pie: Yeah! I don't know what it is, but it looks like super duper fun! :Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash: Guys' night! :credits